Ron's Underpants: a visit to Saint Hill

by Chris Owen

From	co@romeo-klive.nvg.unit.no (Chris Owen)
Subject	Ron's Underpants: a visit to Saint Hill [part 1]
Date	1996/11/04
Msg-ID	<55ll5a$3c5@due.unit.no>
Newsgroups	alt.religion.scientology

Yesterday afternoon was one of the most surreal experiences I've ever had. I was standing in L. Ron Hubbard's bedroom. Behind me was a four-poster bed with an enormously thick mattress — it was waist-high — next to which was a mirror with a pith helmet draped nonchalently over it. I'd just opened the front of his wardrobe, not expecting to find anything, but to my amazement I saw dozens of silk waistcoats (very nice quality too, by the look of it). I opened a drawer at random to find a neat pile of beautifully-pressed silk underpants. An extraordinary experience: I Saw Ron's Undies And Survived! or something like that, anyway.

I was, of course, in Saint Hill Manor, East Grinstead, Sussex, formerly the World Headquarters of Scientology before Ron left in 1967 (and never returned, though that was not his decision). I'd decided to go there more or less on the spur of the moment. The previous day, the Economist (a weekly current affairs magazine) had carried another advert from CSI (the Church of Scientology International) declaring in 50-point type that "Scientologists Fight For Human Rights", or similar. I was doing nothing on Sunday, so decided that I would take the day out and see Saint Hill for myself. I'm glad I did — it was a fascinating and very useful experience.

The train from London is lamentably slow (70 minutes to go only 30 miles!) and it took me a while to find Saint Hill Manor. It's not actually in the town itself, a fairly nondescript middle English market town, but is about a mile south near Saint Hill village.

I went in via the south entrance — the gate was wide open, the gatehouse deserted and a sign next to the main gate listed the owners of the Manor (the last being LRH, of course). A couple of Sea Orgers pointed the way to the reception desk, in Saint Hill Castle, just beyond the Manor.

I'd better explain the layout of the place. There are two entrances, north and south, which give onto the roughly north-west/south-east Saint Hill Road. Inside is a crescent-shaped road linking the two entrances. On the north side of the road is a low, landscaped hill and a car park; on the south side are the buildings, with the castle the westernmost, followed by some old stables (OSA headquarters) and the Manor to the east, set amongst trees.

I walked up through the courtyard of the castle. It's a truly extraordinary place — "England's newest castle" was how it was described to me. It was designed by Hubbard along the lines of a nearby Norman castle and was started in the late 1960s, though as my guide later admitted rather sheepishly to me, it was only finally completed three days ago. Scientology may make you "at cause over matter, energy, space and time", but being at cause over East Grinstead Town Council is obviously a much trickier matter…

At the bottom of the courtyard, which slopes upwards towards the main entrance, is a statue of a man holding a flaming torch, his shield bearing the Scientology logo. I did a very rapid double-take at the dedicatory plaque at its base — it said something along the lines of "In honour of the dedicated work of the members of the IRS, 1984". The IRS???? It was, of course, the IAS — the International Association of Scientologists. I plead bad light.

The entrance hall is plush, as you might expect: leather-upholstered sofas behind a reception desk in a large, wood-panelled room. The room is in the exact middle of the castle, in the connecting passage between the two wings of the U-shaped building. In the north-east corner is a turret built specially for Ron, even though he never had the chance to see it: a desk is laid out for him with a gold-peaked Commodore's hat and packet of Kools on it. Around the sides of the room are various displays of his works — the Research & Discovery series on the east side, the Tech Bulletins to the south and (rather ominously I thought) the PTS/SP Handling course materials in several languages on the west side.

I introduced myself to the receptionist and asked if tours were available. Of course, she said, why don't you sit down and we'll get someone to show round? I did so and flicked though "High Winds" magazine — "Leading the planet to OT!" — for a few minutes. It didn't take long before my guide appeared to take me round the castle.

[The story is continued in part 2, tomorrow...]